WHAT IF SHE/HE IS FAKING ORGASMS?

Ready for a statistic that’ll blow your mind and likely make you feel less alone?

A 2019 survey found that 87% of females and 69% of males have faked an orgasm at least once in their lifetime.

That’s a lot of performing!

But why do people fake it? And what do you do if you’ve been fudging your climax and are ready to quit? Keep reading to find out.

WHY DO PEOPLE FAKE ORGASMS?

So, so many reasons!

But really, it all boils down to the crappy sex education most of us are getting — if we’re even getting it at all.

As certified sex coach Gigi Engle puts it, “The only thing we get from most schools’ sex education curriculums is how to put a condom on.”

Because of this, many people turn to porn for sex education.

The problem? Porn is a performance — not sex.

The result? “People think that jack-hammering penetrative sex is how everyone orgasms,” Engle says.

To be clear, some research suggests that less than 19% of vulva owners can climax this way. And it should go without saying that many penis owners enjoy other types of strokes, rhythms, and patterns, too.

“People end up thinking that their body is broken if they’re not climaxing this way, and so they fake it,” Engle says.

Another reason people fake it? To stroke their partner’s ego or avoid hurting their feelings.

 

IS IT EASY TO TELL SOMEONE'S FAKING?

No. There aren’t any tenor or tone giveaways, nor are there certain words that indicate that “yep, that’s a person faking their orgasm.”

As Engle says, “Everybody’s orgasm looks, sounds, feels, and is experienced differently.”

But here’s the thing: You shouldn’t be trying to suss out whether the person in your bed is fake-orgasming or not.

Instead, you should help foster an environment where your partner feels comfortable communicating if they want to orgasm — and, if they do, what they need to get there.

DOES IT REALLY MATTER?

Is it the end of the world if you do it once in a blue moon? No.

But, truthfully, no good comes from fauxgasms making a regular appearance in your sex life.

Long-term faking it can often:

  • lead to resentment because your partner isn’t helping you orgasm for real
  • widen the disconnect between you and your partner
  • keep you from exploring things in the bedroom that actually help you orgasm

WHAT DO YOU DO IF YOU THINK YOUR PARTNER MIGHT BE FAKING IT?

Talk to them! But don’t ask them if they’ve been orgasming for real or faking it in the past.

“Coming at it from this accusatory place is going to put your partner on the defensive,” Engle says.

“It’s not about whether or not they faked it in the past,” she adds. “It’s about what the two of you can do to ramp up their pleasure in the future.”

Some lines to try:

  • “I really want to learn how to pleasure you. Are there things you especially like in bed that you wish we did more of?”
  • “I think it’d be really hot to use a toy together. Are there any toys you use when you masturbate that you might want to bring into the bedroom?”
  • “I read an article online about the benefits of orgasming. Is there a certain touch or technique that helps you get there?”

“Do yourself a favor and be enthusiastic when you approach this topic,” Engle says.

Enthusiasm about your partner’s pleasure goes a long way! 

REMEMBER: having a good and clear communication is key to the success of any relationship. 

💙

 

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