A VERY SEXY BEGINNERS GUIDE TO BDSM

At its most basic, BDSM stands for bondage/discipline, submission/dominance, and sadism/masochism. If you’re thinking that sounds intense, do not panic and remember that it is completely up to you to set up your boundaries, how deep you want to get and the intensity level you want to put in it. If you want to bring kinks into your sex life and learn more about BDSM, this guide is for you!

COMMUNICATION, BOUNDARIES & SAFE WORDS

The first thing you need to be thinking about before getting started is safety and consent. The essential first step in this sexual practise is to negotiate boundaries by having a straight up conversation about it between consenting adults. Boundaries generally fall into two categories: hard and soft limits. 

A hard limit is unbreakable and must be respected by you and your partner(s) no matter what : it may protect an area of trauma or something which is sacred to you or your partner(s).
For example if you are not keen on a prostate stimulation with butt plugs or nipple play - and this 
for any reasons - then nobody is allowed to cross this boundary and if it happen, it become an abuse.

A soft limit is one that you can renegotiated later. These can mark the areas or edges where play can be exciting but you really desired. It can include an activity which is new to someone involved.

What is a safe word? It is a pre-agreed word or signal that you need to agree on before you start anything. It will ensure that the submissive partner is safe and protected and able to stop the dominant partner from causing harm or discomfort to the submissive without realising what’s actually happening. 

Simple example: the traffic light system

  • Green = go for it.
  • Yellow = slow down.
  • Red = stop right now!

The BDSM community is very aware of safety precautions that there are two acronyms about it:

  • SSC: Safe, sane consensual
  • RACK: Risk, aware, consensual, kink

DOMINANT AND SUBMISSIVE RELATIONSHIPS 

You and your partner(s) have the sexual freedom to identify yourself as dominant, submissive, or switch roles if you want to: you can stick to the same roles each time you play together, or you can take different roles on different occasions: there is no rules!

You might also use the terms tops and bottoms - top could refer to a dominant and bottom could refer to a submissive.

As dominant and submissive partner(s), you have your own roles and that type of relationship doesn't have to always involve sex or pain even though most people may think it does. Actually, the dominant/submissive relationship can be seen in all aspects of life: the submissive person might serve the dominant one food, or give them a massage and the dominant person might order the submissive one around or restrain them or punish them in some way, for example.

BDSM AFTERCARE

Practising BDSM can be a powerful thing, even if you’ve done the activities in the scene a hundred times before and even if it doesn’t seem all that intense. Your body will have a physiological response to pushing your body, perhaps to its limits. 

As always, communication first!

  • If this is new partner(s), you must discuss what aftercare is needed.
  • If you’ve played often with your or a regular partner, double check before a BDSM session that nothing of their aftercare needs has changed.
  • If you’re a new BDSM practitioner, it’s better to start slow and try things that aren’t as intense. Talk during your aftercare to share what works and what doesn’t, for you and your partner(s).

Signs that is time to stop

  • Lethargy
  • Inability to regulate temperature
  • High or low blood pressure
  • Nausea
  • Hard pain
  • Headaches
  • Dizziness
  • Weak muscles
  • Lack of focus
  • Unconsciousness

Always keep a first aid kit next to you in case anything unexpected happen during the play. Cleaning, disinfecting, applying medicine and dressing any injuries as bruises, abrasions or other injuries is very important.

A glass of water, a light and healthy snack after a BDSM session is very important to hydrate your body and to replenish natural sugars that may be depleted after a scene.

The physical contact you need or provide as part of aftercare varies with your relationship, some people like to cuddles but if you're not cuddle partner(s) then a warm blanket or a cosy robe and then watching your favourite movie is an easy way to provide an enjoyable aftercare.

Getting yourself some sleep is also an essential form of BDSM aftercare.

Doms sometimes need aftercare too!

The stereotype is that the dominant don't need help or reassurance. This is an unhealthy mentality, they're human too, and they can experience fatigue or have a rough day.
The reason people don’t think about Dom aftercare is because they’re so busy taking care of the other person but if you’re practicing BDSM in a relationship, you should know that it’s a balance of making sure both parties are happy and calm. 

If your a submissive, you can take care of your Dom by that showing that you are grateful for them and trust them and all their efforts. After a BDSM session, they may just need some reassurance and reminders that you care. They may be in charge but they still need lots of love! 

If you’re a professional Dom, you should make sure you have a system in place to take care of your own aftercare. 

WHICH SEX TOY TO USE FOR A BDSM SCENE?

My recommendation to you is to use AMY, the wand massager. It will become an integral part of your BDSM play: for example you can use AMY for orgasm denial and forced orgasm that are two very exciting and easy techniques for beginners or advanced BDSM-ers that a good wand vibrator can be really useful for both of these.

In orgasm denial, the dominant person will often tease the submissive person and attempt to make them get as close as possible to orgasm and then not allow them release.

In forced orgasm, the dominant person will push the submissive person to orgasm many times. For this technique, a powerful, cordless and body-safe wand vibrator is essential, as AMY. 

AMY delivers 8 intensity levels and 20 function of vibrations which will help you to play with your imagination on how to denial or forced an orgasm and it.
Last but not least, AMY looks hot as hell and is recommended by sex experts!

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